Earlier today, my good friend Michele and I were discussing all of the annoying things that people tell us, as single women. You know, similar to the things people say when they see a pregnant woman and tell her “Oh I could tell that you’re having a girl, just by the way you’re carrying.” What they really mean is, “Wow, you got really fat!” Or, how about when you just get home from your honeymoon, and you’re asked, “So when are you gonna have a baby?” We all know these uncomfortable questions pop up in all of our lives, no matter which stage you are in. For us, single ladies, we get asked certain questions that make our skin crawl. Knowing that I’m currently blogging, Michele, came up with this idea for a post. We decided to collaborate all of the things that we, as single women at the ages of 33 and and 34 (I’m sorry I was just corrected, Michele is 32 and 11/12 – her birthday is next week) are sick of hearing! So to all of the single women reading this, we want you to know, that you’re not alone, and we know hearing these following things come out of people’s mouths could be extremely frustrating. We feel your pain! And to all of the people who are saying these things, we know you all mean well (well maybe some of you), but if you have said any of the things that you are about to read to a single woman (especially over thirty), please just stop! 😉 Single ladies, please feel free to add your own input in the comments section…we’re dying to hear more! Ok, so here it is….Mine and Michele’s list of things to NEVER say to a single woman, also with the responses that we REALLY want to give, but refrain from saying:
1. Statement: Have you tried online dating?
Response: No,what’s that? Do I have to dial up? Do I need a modem? Is there a chatroom on AOL or Yahoo? Oh, your cousin’s, bother in law’s best friend’s sister met someone on Match.com and they’re getting married next fall? I’ll have to give it a shot!!! (As if I’m not bombarded by commercials all day and night telling me that if I signed up for free TODAY, I would be in love by Christmas)
2. Statement: If I wasn’t already married, I’d definitely try online dating!
Response: SInce you got married in 1984, you have not the SLIGHTEST clue about how many bad dates you have to go on, to find one semi normal person after months of sitting through bad dates, and numerous credit card statements later from online dating sites. As well as the liquor store expense after the bad date has ended. A lot has changed since you and your husband bought your first Beta Box, these guys are just looking to take you out for coffee and to get you into bed. They don’t even feed you anymore!!!
3. Statement (When at a wedding): “Don’t worry, you’re next.”
Response (When at a funeral): “Don’t worry, you’re next.”
4. Statement: “Have you thought about freezing you eggs?”
Response: Have you thought about giving me $10,000 for the cost of freezing my eggs, as well as the monthly expense of storing my babies in a freezer? Oh and the hormone shots! I can’t wait to gain twenty pounds, while more hormones are making me an emotional disaster, and then go home alone every night! Which will actually make me gain FORTY pounds, because my I’ll gain another twenty from the Haggan Dazs that’ll be next my embryos in my own freezer, because I can’t afford the rental space! ”
5. Statement: “What happened with (insert ex’s name)?”
Response: “We were madly in love and perfect for each other, but we decided that we don’t want to be happy, so we’ll just part ways and be miserable for the rest of our lives!”
6. Statement: “Don’t worry, it will happen, you have time.”
Response: “Thanks… you’re so convinced it will happen, but fives minutes ago, you told me to freeze my eggs!”
7. Statement: “You’re so beautiful, why can’t you find a nice man?”
Response: “That’s very kind of you to say, but maybe my personality just sucks.”
8. Statement: “You’re so lucky, you get to come home to a quiet house.”
Response: “Don’t worry, the tapping of my keyboard keeps the ruckus going as I respond to all my “pokes” and “winks” that I receive from my online dating and social media accounts….my laptop keeps me warm at night.”
9. Statement: “Don’t any of your friends husbands have someone for you?”, or “Can’t ‘so and so’ set you up with someone?”
Response: “Yes, they have this rich, handsome, smart, successful, family oriented, funny, and kind man, that fell madly in love with me just by looking at my photo, but I decided, ‘Nah, I’ll try my luck elsewhere!'”
10. Statement: “The right guy will come along when you stop looking.”
Response: “I stopped looking for him under my bed, and in my cabinets, but funny, when I wake up in the morning to make myself a cup of coffee, he’s not sitting at that kitchen table!”
11. Statement: “Are you putting yourself out there?”
Response: “What does that mean exactly? Should go out, and stay out until I meet someone? Does this involve a change of clothes?”
12. This last one, isn’t really a statement at all, but it’s our favorite; it’s the held tilt, that coincides with the arm rub, followed by “How are you?” Yes, we’re single, and at a certain age, it’s safe to say we’ve all had our hearts broken at least once, but please don’t feel sorry for us, and tilt your head in sympathy. This list is tongue and cheek, however, there’s definite truth to it. We’re happy in our lives, but just like people in relationships, we have our ups and downs. There’s nothing wrong with creating your own happiness and THEN finding someone to share it with. Although, we’re not currently attached, we know in our hearts, we will eventually find the right person. Thats when we’ll be asked; “So when is he gonna propose?”, “When are you gonna have a baby?”, Are you gonna try for the girl?” We’ll keep you updated when those question and responses come in! Stay tuned…..